


It's Not Easy Being Green: A Kermot x Luigi Fic

by wirclickwir



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Dangan Ronpa Kink Meme, Fan Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 09:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20006218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wirclickwir/pseuds/wirclickwir
Summary: Luigi Mario, the Ultimate Plumber, was promised a school trip by the Mirai Corporation.He received a death game. His sense of self would be deconstructed, starting with what he was willing to do to survive, and ending with one frog.Kermit.-Fanfic for the NEO DANGANRONPA fangan universe inspired by the plot of the hit game "Neo Danganronpa: Killing Splendor" and featuring celebrity cast. I do not own the characters.





	It's Not Easy Being Green: A Kermot x Luigi Fic

It began long after the daffodils had fallen to the forest floor. The yellow flowers of spring had withered and vanished. In the late-summer heat, cicadas screamed their whirring groan; the blackberries swelled, and the earth began to breathe out the bright whites of gypsophila and daisies. Thick, deep green foliage bordered the poolside closely, cut back just closely enough to bar insects from the pristine white tiles.  
The blue pool water glittered in the sunlight. That was the first day I saw him. Gentle waves rippled around his bright green feet. I stood by the entrance, feeling as if I was seeing something I shouldn’t have been. The way the sunlight fell in waves upon his body, the bright, cool colors that surrounded him- it was a painting you’d be likely to see in the Louvre, whose beauty was protected from you by the invisible wall of reality. But this wasn’t a painting. It was real and I was in it, breathing.  
“Mamma Mia…” I muttered to myself, soft enough that even I could barely hear.  
\--  
This was the dream that precluded a nightmare. It’s like they say-- it is in death’s chokehold that the light of life shines its strongest. And in death’s chokehold, we were. It was a scenic island and an invitation I had foolishly accepted. In hopes of a better life; one where I’d never have to plumb again, never have to clean out another septic tank. I, Luigi Mario, accepted the Mirai corporation’s glistening title of Ultimate Plumber, and agreed to come on this summer retreat.   
It would turn awry very quickly. Maybe someone more clever than I could have seen this coming. I’d been blinded by the silver lining. Isolated on the damp, wild island, we Mirai recruits were forced into a killing game- a kind of battle royale with a catch: in order to survive, you had to commit the perfect crime.  
It goes without saying that I wasn’t remotely interested in murder. Nonetheless, some of our classmates were. When I first saw Kermot, really saw Kermot, we’d already lost four to the death game. Kermot was the Ultimate Frog. A strange title, maybe, but I believe wholeheartedly he deserved it.   
I don’t think I deserve my title. I only received it after the death of my brother- Mario Mario, the true Ultimate Plumber. A colossus figure I could never live up to. Maybe that’s why I’m so intent on leaving plumbing behind.

At any rate, here we were, fighting for our lives. For the most part, I did it on my own. I was no leader figure who could unite our group. I was destined to be the sidekick, and without Mario around, the only person who would fight for me was me. I was terrified- to put it mildly. I didn’t know how long it would be until I saw the Mushroom Kingdom again, if at all. When one is torn between life and death, affairs of the heart are gladly thrust to the side. But the dog days drew on, long and hot and oppressive. It was a slow game. The fear was always there, of course, but it receded...  
It was this tendency that truly doomed us, I think. Our terror concealed itself long enough for us to form hopes, dreams, relationships, before dropping on our heads again with the force of a hydraulic press. I had come to like most of my peers. The ones I didn’t fully like, I respected. When the first murder occured, my heart felt it had been ripped from my body. Gin Fujimura, the Ultimate mystery writer, dead. And her killer: Pinky Winky. An old friend of mine and the Ultimate Teletubby. Torn to bloody shreds in a violent execution.  
My heart had hardened. The second murder didn’t bother me as much. I wondered if I was becoming an unfeeling monster for the sake of survival. Pigathius Lee, the Ultimate Actor, was found hanging. I saw Kermot weeping at her feet.   
A couple of hours later, it came time for Oscar, the Ultimate Grouch, to be slaughtered. The universe remained indifferent. I don’t remember his execution. Vividly, though, I can see the lightning as it cracked above the island that night; a downpour in his honor.  
After Ms. Piggy’s death, Kermot stopped showing up for our daily breakfast meetings. That’s when I realized I missed him. The emotion, however painful, was a welcome interruption to the emotionless hellscape in my mind. I embraced it; and soon it had embraced me, fully. Kermot was a permanent resident in my mind. I could instantly evoke, with shut eyes, on the dark innerside of my eyelids, the objective, absolutely optical replica of his beloved face, a little ghost in green color.  
I feared him as much as I loved him. It was difficult to explain my feelings- they came at random, without reason. So I avoided him, until I could no longer, sheltering myself from the horror of going mad with tenderness. That’s why, you see, I credit the day at the outdoor pool as the beginning; I was forced to face my feelings in all their tumultuous rage and climactic fire.  
\--  
My mind returns to his green felt, as it always does. Bare and exposed. Sunlight reflecting on pool-water, coming to rest on his skin, ripples and waves and ethereal shapes. A green ocean. My foliate, swamp-dwelling darling. My heart had begun to drown in my chest. My loins boiled and simmered within me.  
I approached him slowly, tentatively, as one might a beautiful, easily-startled animal. Kermot didn’t notice me at first, and I almost hoped that he wouldn’t, that I would become invisible. My presence seemed antithetical to his: I’m awkward and gangly, clothed in bulky plumber’s clothes. My face is inelegantly proportioned. Unconsciously, I drew one gloved hand silently over my face, pulling down my cap. In spite of my intense nervousness, my body urged me forward, and soon I found myself at his side.  
Kermot looked up. 

My face instantly flushed. Inexplicably, Kermot’s remained serene, as innocent as Adam in the Garden of Eden to his own nakedness. He seemed to be in a trance.   
I had come up to the outdoor pool on an errand directed to me by Mio Jorogumo. A rather heated argument had broken out at the breakfast table. My role in these debates was always to remain silent, and complete any duties delegated to the less important members of our council. Consistently, these daily discussions were spearheaded by our leader, Popi Kuru. Not one of us would deny her the title. She was sharp-witted, assertive, and her inventiveness had squeezed us out of any number of hard knocks.   
Still drowsy, I’d been daydreaming, the warm smell of tea and oatmeal soothing me into an oblivious stupor. Popi’s fist cracking loudly on the table shocked me out of this with a jolt.  
“Are any of you even paying attention? This isn’t time to be drifting off!” she began, her voice stilted in concern. “Our numbers are sinking rapidly.” She bent down over the table until she was at eye-level with us, the troubled glint in her gaze readily visible. “Your morale is falling. I can tell. And that will have real consequences when it comes time to make tough choices.”  
Mio spoke up, rubbing one dark eye. “None more than Kermot. He’s been hiding from us, you know. Sneaking off.” He cleared his throat solemnly. “... We should do something about it.”  
Popi looked closely at Mio, giving him a thoughtful pause before she continued. “Fine. You’re right, I suppose. One of us go fetch him. We can’t have fragmentation like that. It’ll only breed suspicion and God knows what else.”   
“I vote Luigi,” Mio retorted. “He seems to be done eating.”  
“Yes, alright,” bustled Popi, beginning to pace the room again, with a quick gesture at me. “Go on, Luigi, and come on back.”  
All thoughts of the council meeting had left my mind by then. I wasn’t in any hurry. Kermot turned to me, his frog legs moving smoothly through the water. My breath caught in my throat.  
He began with a sigh, a distant expression. “The pool isn’t quite like a freshwater pond,” he said, softly, “But it will do for now.”  
I was frozen stiff, but somehow I choked out, “I- I see.” I coughed lightly. “I miss my home, too. Mushroom Kingdom.”  
Kermot nodded, pensively, seemingly unaware of my uncomfortable demeanor.  
“You know, Luigi.” His voice had deepened, become smoother. “I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me.”  
My lungs turned to ice.  
“It’s okay,” he said, in his soft frog voice. “I like it… it reminds me of how Ms. Piggy used to treat me.”  
For a second, I looked around, as if for possible routes of escape, before my eyes came to rest again on Kermit’s.  
“Oh,” I responded stupidly. “I…”  
“You don’t need to say anything,” interrupted Kermot. He turned his slender green legs towards me, exposing himself.  
My overalls tightened around my body. Suddenly, I felt hot sweat wedging itself under my clothes, begging me to peel them off my whimpering, limpid form.   
Kermot’s eyes remained on mine, a steel glare that cut to the bone.  
His salientian phallus had hardened. I knew it would be my destruction, a sword I couldn’t help but stab myself with, repeatedly, my organs begging to be pierced; exsanguinated.   
Kermot croaked erotically. He stood again, approaching me. I was a deer frozen in the unnatural radiance of headlights. His webbed, soft frog fingers came to rest on my shoulders. A trail of mucus ran down my clothes, lower, lower, until green flesh came to the buttons on my pants. He undid them. Kermot undressed my helpless body completely.   
“It is time to make a rainbow connection.”

**Author's Note:**

> Do not expect a continuation of this fic because it's not happening. Shout out to Vladimir Nabakov and to myself


End file.
